Stockholm's Syndrome: Chrihsanna

CHIIILE, somebody hold my ear-rangs, honey! PEOPLE MAG is reporting that Ike Chris Brown and Tina Rihanna is back together in Diddy's Miami get-away. LAWD HAMMERCY!! I hope he has insurance on that place, chile. I don't know what to do or say about any of this mess. I'm gonna haul off and leave both these children alone until they get their shit together!

Hold The Phone, Chile!

Morning, skanks! (fake Miss America wave)

Chile, I don't know if you've ever heard of the hilarious "fail blog", but I've hauled off and found their Youtube channel, honey. If you don't have them subscribed to this whores channel, I suggest you get your wide ass up, wipe the cum crust off the side of your mouth, Frebreeze your favorite Beyonce-approved lace front, and
twist your ass on over to youtube and sign up, chile.

In this fail, this chile aparently doesnt know the difference between a microphone and a telephone. Girl, its too early for the likes of this rapery, chile. Where is my flask!

The Gag Files: Leaks From Within Chrihannagate?

Chiiiile, hold on to your ponytails, chile cause this hooker right here done hauled off and sent Rihanna-Fenty.com an illuminating email about some details about what allegedly went down. Chile, what in Ike & Tina hell is going on honey, uh oh! Chile, and who could this other "shocking" girl be? Chile this is just a hot-sizzlin-boiling-shitty-ass mess, honey!

“Rihanna & Chris Brown broke up 2 weeks ago. Rihanna didn’t want to break up with Chris but he was done with her. Management forced him to act “lovey” for the Clive Davis party. He didn’t want to. Rihannas publicist in confidence asked him to the same. He agreed. They attended the Clive Davis party together. Management asked for Chris to drive with Rihanna in his car after the event was over for paparazzi pictures. Rihanna started acting like they were in a relationship still, not realizing that it was indeed over. Chris told her he wasn’t really with her, it was for publicity and that she needed to get it through her head that it was over. Adding insult to injury, Chris PICKED up a girl he had a date with that night WHILE Rihanna was in the car. Turns out Chris moved on with this new chick. Very childish for doing all this in front of Rihanna. Rihanna snapped, the situation got crazy. Rihanna punched Chris in the face while she was screaming, he hit started hitting her back. Noticing there was blood, the girl panicked and called 911. As of right now, Rihanna’s headed to Barbados. Chris is being flown out. The other “girl” is in questioning. Both Rihanna & Chris’s team are trying to get her to side with them. If she testifies as eye witness saying Rihanna was the injured party, she could put Chris in jail for a maximum of 12 years. If the girl testifies stating Rihanna indeed made the first punch and if Chris’s attorneys can spin it in court, Chris can get off his charges all together. A lot is at stake. Also, there’s proof lingering around. Rebel One Management is trying to stop it from leaking to the media and keep it strictly for legal affairs to try protect themselves if a case does happen. Rihanna’s team doesn’t want her to press charges as it will damage her name and career. Rihanna’s being pressured and most likely will seize to press charges. The eye witness, the other “girl”, is the most valuable piece to this puzzle.. I can’t reveal the other girl as of right now, she is a well known personality but she is in custody and NOBODY knows who she is. So if I reveal it, it will be obvious that the information leaked within the inner circle. You will be in shock when you find out who.”

A Honeychile Perspective: Bad Girls Club

Chile, this shit is a gag! Miss Mona of ACONNECTIONTV on youtube, chile, talkin about the bad girls club. Now I have never seen this show. It just seems like such a lazy premise for a show chile, but anyways, after laughin at this honeychile I may just have to watch...

A Honeychile's Perspective: Chrihsannagate

Chile, your boy "T'wan" is here to give you whores the tea on the Chris Brown beatdown scandal, chile. Is this hooker for real or is this just satire? Whatever it is, this skank is hilarious, chile!

Rihanna Speaks On Chris Brown's Abuse

CHIIIILE! Now, you KNOW your good Judy had to come and give you skanks the inside scoop right from the horse Rihanna's mouth. Or maybe it's her cousin, chile. I've only had 3 martini's and a blunt... and its LATE! Its already the afternoon!!!






But seriously bitches, can you believe what happened? Chile, now you know my mouth hung wide open when I heard this shit! I mean that came out of left field for points! I don't believe the herpes thing thats going around, there is no proof of any of that, but there is proof of a criminal record in the name of Christopher Brown. Chile, I hope this works out, but knowing you shady heifers, the public can't wait to build you up to tear you clean down. Chile...

Gag Of The Week: Bill Goes In For Kill With Hill

LMCO Chile!! Bill Clinton tries to kiss his wife, she gave a quick weave, bob and a twist and opted to kiss the taller more handsome man standing next to her.

Honeychildren, Now Hear This! : Plies Grandma Unleashed

LMAO! Oh Jehovah God give me the power! This parody video is so funny I could only make it half-way through watching before I posted it, so if the second-half is some bullshit, then I can't be held accountable, chile, because the first half was that crack, honey!

Jennifer "Iron Lungs" Hudson's Star Spangled Banner

CHIIIIIIIIIIIIILE!! Ms. Hudson is back and with a vengance today when she sang the guts out of the Star Spangled Banner, Chile. This is her first public performance (I believe) since the brutal massacre of members of her family (Mother, Brother and Nephew).

When I say she didn't hit a bad note, that is what I mean, chile! Spine-tingling & tear-jerking, honey.

Nosy Whore On The Loose: What Sites Are Worth

Hi Whores! (fake air kiss)

So, I was surfing the internet tubes, honey and I ranned (yes ranned, bitch) across this interesting site that lets me know how many coins my favorite sites are worth. Here are a few of the results...

Bossip.com
Net Worth : $607980.5
Daily Pageview : 276799
Daily Ads Revenue : $832.85

MediaTakeOut.com
Net Worth : $1.6 Million
Daily Pageview : 731869
Daily Ads Revenue : $2197.84

WorldStarHipHop.com
Net Worth : $1.48 Million
Daily Pageview : 675260
Daily Ads Revenue : $2027.78

ConcreteLoop.com
Net Worth : $353414.9
Daily Pageview : 160560
Daily Ads Revenue : $484.13


HuffingtonPost.com
Net Worth : $5.67 Million
Daily Pageview : 2588235
Daily Ads Revenue : $7767.53

PerezHilton.com
Net Worth : $4.57 Million
Daily Pageview : 2087286
Daily Ads Revenue : $6264.5

Dlisted.com
Net Worth : $897805.1
Daily Pageview : 409074
Daily Ads Revenue : $1229.87

Myspace.com
Net Worth : $344.14 Million
Daily Pageview : 157142857
Daily Ads Revenue : $471431.4

CHIIIILE, I need to step my game up an PRONTO, HONEY!! Do you know how many dildos and pregancy kits I could buy with the likes of this coinage, honey?

Okay, Kanye, I Have Seen The Light, Chile...

Kanye has posted a blog re: his trip in gay paree', chile and I know you hookers think I'm gonna be messy, but honestly I have to say, that... well read it first, honey.

THIS IS MY LAST DAY IN PARIS AND IT'S BEEN CRAZY. I'VE MET SO MANY DOPE PEOPLE. I FEEL SO INSPIRED BY THE TRIP... I'VE BEEN THINKING OF RAPS, BEATS, CLOTHES, VIDEOS ,STAGE DESIGNS AND PHILOSOPHIES ... I ALWAYS FEEL MY BEST WORK IS MY NEXT WORK... I'VE MADE SOME GOOD CHOICES AND SOME MISTAKES... I'VE BEEN LOVED AND HATED.... I'VE BEEN HAILED AND RIDICULED... I'VE BEEN INVITED TO SHOWS AND AS USUAL ASKED NOT TO COME... I'VE BEEN ATTACKED FOR BEING ME... FOR BEING BRIGHT RED IN A GREY WORLD.... I AM NUCLEAR ENERGY... WHEN INCAPSULATED IN AN IDEA OR BOX LIKE A STAGE OR SHOE DESIGN I CREATE MAGIC... WHEN LEFT FREE SOMETIMES I BURN THINGS... IT'S THE NATURE OF A TRUE ARTIST... I AM NOT PERFECT AND I WILL NEVER BE WHAT I WAS TAUGHT MY WHOLE LIFE AND THAT WAS TO BE "CHRIST LIKE"... I'M FINE WITH JUST BEING THE BEST ME! I ACCEPT AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY MISTAKES AND LEARN FROM THEM. I WILL NEVER ATTACK NEGATIVE PEOPLE AND THEIR ENERGY...I FORGIVE THEM FOR THEY DON'T THINK FOR THEMSELVES BUT MERELY BASE THEIR OPINIONS ON WHAT THEY WERE TAUGHT. LIFE IS A GAME! IF EVERYONE UNDERSTOOD WHAT I WAS DOING WHEN I WAS DOING IT THERE WOULD BE NO CHALLENGE THEREFORE NO GAME. IT IS THE CRACK IN THE WALL THAT ALLOWS LIGHT TO SHINE THROUGH... SOOO THANK YOU SENSATIONAL NEWS REPORTERS ... THANK YOU GOSSIP SITES... THANK YOU BARBER SHOPS... THANK YOU TO ANYONE WHO THRIVES ON THE DOWNFALL OF OTHERS FOR I WILL NOT FALL!!! YOUR PESSIMISM IS MY POWER... YOUR PRESUMPTIONS LEAD TO MY REDEMPTIONS ... I DON'T LIKE THE OBVIOUS... I LIKE THE TENSION... I LIVE FOR THE FIGHT... I AM A SOLDIER OF FREE THOUGHT IN A CLOSED MINDED WORLD AND I AM READY FOR WAR... I HAVE LOST EVERYTHING SO I AM FEARLESS ... YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T KNOW WHO YOU'RE UP AGAINST... I WILL SPARK A GENERATION OF THINKERS WHO WILL QUESTION TRADITIONAL THOUGHT UNTIL THEY FIND THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH. THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME SOMEONE TO PROVE WRONG AS I HAVE DONE FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE... YOU FEEL THE WORLD WILL NEVER CHANGE.. YOU FEEL MISERY IS THE ONLY COMPANY... AND I AM HERE TO PROVE YOU ALL WRONG... (I'LL GIVE THE SECRET TO MY DEMISE FOR ALL THAT WISH I WOULD JUST DROP DEAD.... ACCEPTANCE!!... IF YOU COULD FINISH MY SENTENCES THERE WOULD BE NO REASON TO START THEM. ) THANK YOU PARIS ONCE AGAIN FOR ALLOWING ME ACCESS TO THE GREATEST ARTISTS AND DESIGNERS THIS EARTH HAS TO OFFER... THANK YOU FOR THE INVITATION BECAUSE GENIUS LOVES COMPANY
01.30.2009

Kanye has made me see the light! Yes, the light may be shining on a disco-ball and making the room sparkle for points, but I can't really get cunty with this. More people should be who they are and not this over-the-top-ness and that goes for being overly masculine, overly feminine, overly hateful, overly stanish, overly anything 'cause chile, too much of anything will kill you, chile!

Snatchback Video: Bizzy Bone XXL Interview

Chile, now I know this video is old as black-pepper, honey, but here is Bizzy Bone in an interview with XXL. Chile, I remember when I used to have a mild crush on him, but baby, has he always been this honeychileish? I mean, he is on a carriage ride and everything like he is the last Cinderella, ma'am. Let me find out I was having lesbian fantasies after all these years, honey!

A Drag Race To The Finish, Chile!

Lawd hammercy Father God! When did this happen?

<a href="http://www.logoonline.com/" target="_blank">RuPaul's Drag Race Supertease</a>

RuPaul's Drag Race Supertease

Rupaul and her mile-long legs has a new reality show coming out, honey. And at some point, s(he) appears to be immitating the "Queen of Me, Me, Me" Tyra Banks and her famous rant, chile. This looks like it might be a scandal honey, but too bad I don't have Logo, or else I would be laughing my mascara off at the likes of this hotmessery!

Jasmine Sullivan's "Lions, Tigers and Bears, Chile!"

Jazmine Sullivan - Lions, Tigers & Bears


Here's Jasmine Sullivan's "Lions, Tigers and Bears" video. Now you know I'm a skank when that title swells my coochie up!

Another Day, Another Music World Casualty...

Kelly and Matthew Knowles' Music World Management released joint statements yesterday regarding their "amicable" split. Chile, Stevie Wonder with cataracts could have seen this shit coming, honey.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
January 28, 2009

Joint statement from Mathew Knowles and Kelly Rowland on their amicable professional split:

"After a very positive meeting between Kelly Rowland and myself, we have amicably agreed to end our professional relationship. My company, Music World
, will continue to manage Destiny's Child as a group. As an artist Kelly has incredible talent and I only wish her the best. We will always be family first and foremost, and as a dad I only have love for Kelly." ----Mathew Knowles

"Mathew Knowles has been a positive influence in my career. I have had great success under his guidance — both as a member of Destiny’s Child and with my solo projects. Although we have decided to part ways professionally, the Knowles family and the entire Music World Entertainment
team will always be my family." ---Kelly Rowland

Honey, I love how they are keeping up with this "we're family" script. Chile, the Knowles' gang already have a family, and they are all still on MWM. Kelly, snap out of it, sugarfoot!

Umm.. Michelle... HELLO! This is your queue to run for you life, chile!

Swizz Beats Ex-Boo Mashonda Talks W/ KendraG About Alicia And More!

Honeychile, Swizz Beats "legal" Wife, Mashonda and my good Judy, KendraG, discuss the break-up and possible Alicia Keys involvement. Chile, now you know I love me some A.Keys like somebody I went to summer camp with, but Miss Mashonda didn't really do that much to squash the rumors, but she still kept it above the belt which is all well and good chile, but I wanna see some hair pulling, weave tracks flying, nail-breaking, ranned stocking catfights, chile!

Segway FAIL!

That whore over at DListed.com (one of my favorites, chile) had me looking at this video. Two things come to mind;

#1 I didn't know those tramps went THAT fast, and
#2 She didn't know her front teeth would go that fast, chile...

Faith and The Lil Biggies Chop It Up On iChat

Okay, honey, it's mostly the kids, and the dog Brooklyn, but Faith still makes a quick cameo. They talk about everything teeniechiles would talk about; music, im, punishment, boredom, breasts, rolling down hills like a ball, action-figures that look like O.J., you know, the regular stuff, chile.

Lil Cease Tries To "De-Snitch" Himself

With the events and the constant drum beats of news swirling around the internet tubes honey, Lil Cease gives his version of events surrounding the Lil Kim Trial. I dunno, the jury's still out on this one, but he does make a compelling case. What do you honeychildren think?



And FURTHERMORE, whore, Please, I'm begging you rappers to stop naming yourself "Lil" this and "Young" that (Lil Cease, Lil Kim, Lil, Bow Wow, Lil Romeo, Lil Mama, Lil Zane, Lil Mo, Lil Wayne, Lil Scrappy, Lil Fizz, Yung Berg, Young Dro, Young M.C., Young Jeezy, Young Dro, Young Joc, Young Buck, etc... etc... AND... etc... Come on now! Lets keep it real, chances are you aint gonna be lil and young forevah! Chile, who do you think you are, Dolly Parton?

Rourke/Jericho Beef?

Okay, so being the nosy bitch that I am, I stumbled upon this video clip of Leatherface Rourke and Chris Jerkoff on Larry King Live. It seems as though "LeFace" Rourke made some sort of ingratiating comment on some fire-crotch-red carpet somewhere, honey. Whatever! But Miss Chris must have had her tampon inserted in backwards or something girl because he pretty much wants to kick Rourke's asshole a loose, while LeFace wanted to take the high road... and by high road i mean a line of cocaine off some random hookers pregnancy test kit.

On a lighter note: Chrissy Jerichwhore is kinda pumpable! Maybe I'll start to watch WWE. I highly doubt it, but anything is possible.