Bitch Dodged A Bullet...

Chiiile, so I'm still loungin' around in my Dereon dress, the one Tina farted glitter all over. Yes, bitch is looking FIERCE! (who mad?)

"Honeychile, why are you all glamorous? What's the occasion?" you ask?

I'm glad you bitches asked because yesterday was supposed to be a big night. Don't nobody need no stankin Oscar when you have an elegant Razzie nomination. And even though He Terch'd Mah Chile had this award clearly in the bag, the voters much preferred to give Sandra Bullock the award for less obvious reasons, chile. Here's the tea...

Bullock implied that many Razzie voters had not actually seen the movie but cast ballots for her hoping to get her to show up at the awards. Bullock said if they watched the DVD – "I mean really watch it" – and decided it was not the worst performance of the year after all, then she would come back next year and "give back the Razzie. ... then we'll go drink afterwards."

DAMN YOU TO HELL RAZZIES! I bought this amayzun outfit to celebrate, and now I have no place to go in my fierce ass Dereon dress made out of bath towels, garbage bags, twistie ties, dog breath, paper clips, glitter farts, wig glue & dried gumbo dust.

Razzies, I'm sending you my Citi Trends receipt and I want my money back! I spent alot on it; 4 ripped food stamps, a box of Kix off W.I.C, 3 postage stamps, a used bus transfer and 2 chuck-e-cheese tokens and I want my money back RAT NAH OR IH SHOW YOU CRAYZUH!!

All My Single Lushes..

...now raise your glass up!



Word around the Alcoholics Anonymous meetings is the ever-so lady-like Beyonce was all up and thru the 40/40 Club abusing her liver again. After her burn victim looking husband finished drinking the blood of the youth in Madison Square Garden, they hit up the 40/40 (btw... where did he get the name 40/40 anyway? Maybe it's Bey-Z real age? Or is it they drink two 40 oz of malt liquor in between meals?)

P.S. Beyonce's liver needs to take an ad out on Craigslist and find a new roommate, STAT!

I'm Just Sayin'...

the resemblance is uncanny... I'm just sayin'

Snatchback Video: Beyonce Interviews Aaliyah

So I was strolling through the youtubes, honey and ran across a old snatchback clip of these two women; One was a stunningly gorgeous, multi-talented superstar Recording Artist and movie star, and the other was Beyonce.

In this interview Joan Riv... uh, I mean Kathy Griff...uh.. I mean... (well, bitch was a nobody, so who cares!) asks real celebrities probing questions.

Anyweave, if you squint your eyes you can see Beyonce's soul lusting after what Aaliyah had going on. I can smell the envy wafting through the air. Smells just like, guilt and shame and car fumes and ass lube and cat piss with a splash of vanilla. In other words, it smells just like HEAT!

Yes, bitch is classy!

You Are The Weakest Leak...

2 unreleased Beyonce songs has taken a leak... I'm just sayin'...



Chiiile, not today!

You Got 99 Problems and a Bey Ain't One...

Chiiiile... Word around the "don't drop the soap" wing of a federal prison is, an unlucky cellmate may be getting some hot camel on a stick soon if The NY Post article is accurate.

Have a couple sips of piping hot tea, chile... *pours*

In early September, AEG Chairman Richard Mays approached Jay-Z through his business partners and asked whether he would be interested in joining the consortium -- which at the time ranked last among six bidders seeking the lucrative project. . .

"[NY Governor] Paterson directly told [Las Vegas businessman Steve] Wynn he needed to have a minority partner, so he went and got Jay-Z. But when Wynn pulled out, Jay-Z was without a home," a source told The Post.

"AEG went and grabbed Jay-Z after his deal with Steve Wynn fell through." AEG jumped at the chance to recruit Jay-Z, who has become increasingly close to Paterson, sources said. The two dined together in June and hung out in the Hamptons.

UH OH, SPAGOOGLYO'S!!

Attention Whoring 101: Solange Knowles

Chile, this is a little old, and I was gonna refrain from posting this egghead clown on this blog altogether, but the words she farts up makes it hard to turn a blind side-eye to any longer.

After the Grammys, instead of celebrating her sisters multiple wins, the ever elegant Queen of the Basement Solange thought it to be a good idea to go on twitter and let everyone know HOW MUCH MORE ATTENTION BEYONCE SHOULD BE GETTING!! Bitch are you DRUNK??? Nevermind, I know the answer to that;




In her defense, she was probably just making a pallet on the floor. Bitch stays homeless... but i digress...

here is the a tweet by the mental midget herself;

"Im sorry but i'm having another kanye rant moment. My sister BROKE THE RECORD for the MOST GRAMMY'S IN ONE NIGHT BY ANY FEMALE so why do i KEEP seeing "other artist" as the Nights "big winner"....(*kanye shrug here) ???? Wowzers 2 some responses. Good darnit......im glad folks agree. Ok. On to the next one:)" (Solange Knowles' Twitter)

Is she talking about the same Grammys? Solange, care to explain your twitter meltdown to the 6 o'clock local news?



Just an adorable ray of sunshine, isn't she? I'll take one in every color...

Leak of the Week: Janet's HearBeatLove

Today, Rodney Jerkins aka Darkchild has leaked a new Janet track on his website called HeartBeatLove ft. Pitbull...



Music today is very euro/dance orinented, chile and if anyone should be able to pull it off, it should be dance royalty herself, Miss Janet.

unless you've been living under a lacefront wig, Janet has had a rough couple of years culminating in the death of her brother aka American Icon MJ, so things she had in motion prior (new film, new book, new album) she had to pump through and stay strong. Good for you, honeychile! WORK!!

Now let's work out that choreo and get these children TOGETHAH in the name!

P.S. My kitty has always wanted to have with Pitbull... meoow...

I'm Just Sayin'....

I Wanna Talk About Those Bathing Suits...

Soooooo, children. Looks as if little miss shoplifter's luck ran out in Germany. A German judge ruled that the design of one of her bathing suits was jacked like Jay-Z's drivers license photo. It's obvious bitch was once again "inspired by" someone elses hard work, and as a result, a judge ruled the "Video Phone" video be BANNED from further airing in Germany. HAAAA!!!

In what has to be one of the more bizarre copyright disputes, the underwear manufacturer Triumph sued Sony because Beyoncé was wearing copyright infringing underwear in her music video “Video Phone”. Seriously.

The design in question by Bulgarian designer Iskren Lozanov is shown on the right, the music video below (the infringement occurs at about 0.50′). This week, the 7th Civil Chamber of the Landgericht Munich upheld an ex parte injunction barring Sony from distributing the “Video Phone” clip in Germany.

Triumph argued Beyoncé was wearing an unauthorized reproduction of the Iskren Lozanov design. Sony countered that both designs were inspired by Picasso, but otherwise, there were few similarities. The slips, in particular, were wholly different. The judge disagreed: the Lozanov design was highly original and enjoyed a wide scope of protection, and was therefore infringed by the underwear worn by Beyoncé.

Sony’s lawyer announced that, after consultation with Beyoncé, he would most likely appeal the decision.

Hold, the line, I have a call coming in...

Hello Caller, you say what??

Chiiiile, Pleeeease: Alicia Keys

So, Alicia Keys is making a video that features Beyonce. Lets take a sneek peek behind the scenes...



Bitch, what are you doing?? Are you serious? So you're dippin it low and swingin the wig around? Really? Honestly? Seriously? With a straight face? And this isn't a joke? No foolin'? Did you pee on my leg and tell me its raining?

And another thing. The song is a CHOP, honey! Girl, BYE!! I thought higher of you than this, chile.

MAN DOWN, CODE TEN: Gunfight At Beyonce Concert!

Chiiiile, hammercy. What you are about to read is a HOT MESS! Word around the quinciñera is when Beyonce's concert was over in Salvador, Brazil recently, GUNMEN OPENED FIRE ON HER FANS LEAVING THE VENUE!!!

In related news, has anyone seen Solange?

But seriously honeychildren, true Beyonce stans are a little hard on the nervous system, but ummm... this is a FOOL! Chile, don't shoot the children. I'll just try to get them bitches together! I actually don't know what the motive was since the information is scare as of right now so this story, like Beyonce's breasts, is still developing...

In the meantime my thoughts and prayers go out to the young victims of the sensless act. My thoughts and prayers also go out to the mothers eardrums of kids who are Beyonce stans because they play her so much to the point where you wanna jam a rusty railroad spike down your earhole. That is a sensless act, too.

UPDATE: Several media sources has retracted this story of a gunfight after one of the "I Am" concerts In Brazil. I'm actually glad this story isn't true. But even still, if they just came out of a Beyonce concert, they have already been terrorized enough!

Hey, Cows!

Chiile, I have been sooo busy with work lately, it's been hard to keep up with the onslaught of fuckery, but luckily for you children, there has been a Buffet ala Bullshit being served up by your favorite stars so fast and furious it will peel the glue off a wig, chile. Check out these honeychildren letting your favorite star have it! Call it out, chile!

Russel Crowe is about to get his telephone-throwing arm back in shape. WAHOB

Paging Ricki Lake DESTINY'S REHAB

Run, Alicia RUN!! Kick those pumps off, hike up that hooker skirt and HAUL ASS, BITCH!!! DESTINY'S REHAB

Beyonce just woke up. In related news, Solange's shift just started. DLISTED

Let me guess. They wouldn't let Beyonce change the lyrics to "I Am The World" DESTINY'S REHAB

There's Plenty Single Ladies Where You're Headed...

CHIIIILE... My good Judys over at Destiny's Rehab just spilled some explosive tea! Word around Cell Block-H conjugal visit room is House Of Dereon is being sued by everyone with eyeballs claiming migranes and involuntary manslaughter. Ok, I made that up, but it's a thought.

In this breaking tea, Stylelist is reporting the lawsuit claims racketeering and conspiracy to commit fraud teas, honey. The manufacturer claims they shipped the gaudy shit out expecting to get paid one thing, and just like the cheap, greedy tricks that they are, tried to run a scam and now they're charged with multiple counts including violation of the Federal RICO Act. SCANDAL!

Miss Knowles, sugar... care to reply?

Hotel Camelfornia

Camels around the world have their humps in a bunch because their supreme leader Jay-Z has had a minor setback involving a hotel and some cash. No, we aren't talking about his honeymoon (this time). It's been said that Shawn Camel's hotel venture has gone bust and he's on the hook for millions of bushels of hay..

Shawn Carter, the rap music artist and Rocawear clothing business founder known as Jay-Z, sued the investment firm Highland Capital Management LP in a dispute over loan guarantees.
Carter, in his complaint filed yesterday in federal court in New York, claims Highland and co-defendant NexBank SSB are attempting to “bleed” from him funds in excess of those he and two other men pledged to pay when they guaranteed the non- principal obligations of a company planning to build a hotel in Manhattan’s west side neighborhood of Chelsea
he rap star is seeking a declaratory judgment that he has met those obligations. He’s also seeking damages of more than $3.7 million for the additional interest and other costs incurred while still being held liable under the agreements.
“In August 2007, a company controlled by Mr. Carter borrowed $52 million as a loan to purchase Manhattan property for a future boutique hotel,” Nina Devlin, a Highland spokeswoman, said in an e-mailed statement yesterday.

The loan, held by funds managed by Highland, matured in August and is in default, Devlin said.
“Highland Capital Management believes the claims asserted by Mr. Carter are meritless and will vigorously defend itself and intends to pursue the obligations owed to Highland’s investors,” she said.

SOURCE

SpillingTea: Chelsea Socks It To Beyonce

Chelsea Handler gave her opionion on the "it" girl at the Grammys on her E! television show "Chelsea, Lately" I hollered at what she said at the end because no truer words have ever been uttered, chile. And I know Beyonce stans will not be having this shit one iota. I'm sure Makaels keyboard is smokin' and sparkin' and shit as we speak lighting up twitter throwing a motherfuckin twitantrum. So, stay tuned for the remainder of this bit of tea, honey.

** and a quick chile,yes! to WAHOB & DR here and there!

The Cougar Files: Tina Knowles

MAC makeup supermodel extraordinaire and official Las Vegas hooker uniform designer Tina Knowles was seen bumping her corroded vagina on the dancefloor with some young stud who can give two wet farts about her. Word on Craigslist is, while attending her daughters Fuck Me Like A Dog In Heat Perfume launch party, she lured in an unsuspecting kid off of the street by rattling a box of Mike-n-Ikes in his direction. Then she pounced on her prey and hit him with her trusty pick up line... "After I'm done devouring your ding-ding, my lipstick won't smudge or budge... because you're worth it!" You gotta give it to her.. bitch is cougarific.

SOURCE

Destiny's New-Born Child

Word around the Planned Parenthood water cooler via MediaTakeOut (side-eye, but still) is Mathew's jump-off baby-mama just farted out a brand new Sasha Fierce, Jr. It's been whispered around the free clinic that she gave birth to a baby girl and the paternity test came out as expected.

Cut to TMZ footage as Mathew kicks the nurse over, bites the umbilical cord and yanks out the afterbirth, puts it in a leotard and push it out on stage.

"Precious, Take Yo Ass Down To The Welfare...

and pick up my damn OSCAR! I can take it to the pawn shop and get a pack of Kool Menthos and some pig feet with no hair in it you fat bitch!" No, but seriously kids...

Congratulations to Mo'Nique for Best Supporting, Gabourney Sidibe for Best Actress, Lee Daniels for Best Director and Precious for Best Picture.. Congrats to all the 2010 Oscar Nominees including Avatar, The Blind Side, Sandra Bullock and everything else nominated, chile.

You can find the list of nominees somewhere in HERE, honey!

And The Razzie Goes To...

Now before you pop champagne and start dancing to Single Ladies in a g-string in celebration, she's only nominated for now, but this is one award she is TRULY deserving of. I don't even see any other skank on that list, chile.

Eddie Murphy is also nominated for the "coveted" Razzie award. It's like a Dreamgirls reunion. That warms the cockles of my heart!

Well, good luck Beyonce! I'm rooting for you to take it home, and shut the haters down and let them know THEY ARE MESSING WITH THE WRONG QUEEN!

(shhh... don't tell them, just let them keep believing it's a good thing. You know her stans have "special needs")