Grading on a Curve: Beyonce's Oprah Performance Preview

Good morning class. Today's lesson is about hoes that claim they are the hottest EVERYTHING in the game. Let's grade this clip of her earthshattering, groundbreaking, mesmerizing performance on Oprah's farewell show. Everyone open your legs books to page 69 and let the reading begin.



Song = FLOP

Lyrics = FAIL

Choreography = FOOLISHNESS

Hair = FRIED

Wardrobe = FUCKERY

So I'm left with no other option but to give this performance a BIG RED F-

Chile, if they were handing out diploma's at FOOL SCHOOL, bitch would be the damn valedictorian!

Did Camel Get Kicked to the Curb?

In "Chew yo ass up and spit yo ass out" news of the day, it's being reported by a reliable source that Beyonce has put on her panic wig and emergency leotard and recently called an meltdown, code red, meeting about her BIG FLOPPITY FLOP OF A FLOP ASS FLOP single, and she is now trying to sever management ties with Jay Z and Roc Nation. (tee hee)

Maybe it will finally dawn on Jay Z that Beyonce is an opportunist and the only reason why his ugly ass ever got a chance in the first damn place is because it was $omething in it for her. I mean, you dont't really think she will ever fart a baby creature out of her precious womb that looks like you, do you? You poor, misquided, disfigured-looking FOOL! Don't you know that you look like the depths of somebodys ASS? Like somebody has been putting cigarettes out on your face? You didn't know you look like Osama Bin Laden's death photo? Like you jumped off of the Chrysler Building and landed on your face? You didn't know you look like a half-chewed hot-dog floating in a pool of vomit? Wait, I'm getting off topic.. where was I? Oh yea!

So, back to this meeting... I guess, if the "source" is to be believe, the general consensus of listening to the album was;

Run The World (FLOPS)

Chile, so the numbers are in, and it looks like Beyonce's smash shit single has BELLYFLOPPED onto charts everywhere. Here are the numbers. FEAST!

Billboard: #33 (HAAA)

Digital DLs: #23 (HAAA HAAA)

Radio: #65 (HAAA HAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAA)

Girl, these are the SOLANGE numbers, hunni! Hell, I farted in an empty toilet paper tube last week and charted higher than THAT!

And speaking of farting into microphones, both Britney and Gaga STORMED the charts with their singles, and this is why her psychotic stans were terrorizing everybody's message boards? For THIS!?

Bitch should have just went somewhere and popped out a few mutant babies, deep conditioned and hot-oil treated those roots of hers, ask Juelz to FINALLY teach her how to talk in complete sentences, conjugate a verb, stop eating paste and color inside the lines with jumbo crayons, chile.