Hey Honeychildren!

It's been a month of Sundays since I've seen you but don't worry, I wasn't kidnapped by the Mathew Knowles and shipped off to a deserted island (yet) I've just been really busy with life! But I will be back soon bigger and better than ever, so in the meantime dip on over to the sister site Destiny's Rehab to get your fix!

<3
HCN

Cops Pull Over Some Old Lady...

So, Miss "I just got my license" Knowles (even though since early Destiny's Child, she'd been driving around in a Jaguar while her bandmate had to hitchike a ride in her mamas old Mazda, but I digress...) was stopped by a cop that had no idea who the hell she was *insert Nelson's HAA-HAAAA laugh here* when he seen a 1,000 pound wig on wheels in heels driving down the street while texting. Here's the tea...

“Beyoncé was really embarrassed because she only recently got her driver’s license. She tried to charm that cop and told him she had no idea that texting while driving was against the law. He had no idea who she was. He just slapped her with the ticket, which was worth more than $100!”

SOURCE



If this is true,






Chile, but if you go to the source link, this happened LAST month? Ummm, so... why... are... they... um... just... now.... um.. chile, nevermind! But,to be on the
safe side....

*stiff, stern side-eye*

Slow News Week: What The Buck Snatches Beyonce's Wig (Throwback)

So, I was sitting in front of my computer wearing my favorite 10-gallon wig, wearing the sluttiest leotard on the market and diving head-first into a giant box of Popeye's, when I stumbled across this video of the popular internet show What The Buck titled "Beyonce Threatens To Kill Jennifer Hudson for WINNING OSCAR!" So you know I couldn't pass this one up... Somebody pass the Popcorn and Raisinettes, chile!



And, of course... If anyone ever says anything bad about Beyonce, they have to do a follow up video apologizing to the United Nations of the World... unfortunately for the fart stains who love Bey, Buck ain't the one, honeychile!

Ok, Which One Of You Bitches Did It?

TruthBeTold, I'm watching you!


(p.s. for the brain damaged, this is just satire)

Dead Fish Walking

If you were in London and smelled something that reeked of week-old filet of cajun catfish rotting away in the July sun, it was just Beyonce airing out her cooch again. Either that, or it was Beyonce's elegant stripper I'm Gonna Git U Sucka fish shoes dying a miserable death. Well, if I was that poor fish creature, one whiff of Bey's toe-jam from hell, and I would go see about Jesus, too!


Here's unedited footage of Beyonce going shopping...

Tina Must Be Stopped!

Chile.. so I was surfin' MTO when I ran into this lovely pic of Beyonce taking a pic with people her own age. Instead of doing her hair that day, Tina just slapped Bey upside the head with a box of slinkys, and bag of old funyuns, dipped her head in a solution of just for men hair dye and sent her off to Glamour Shots in some mall in Texas looking fabulous! Either that or she was auditioning for a role in B.A.P.S. All bitch is missing is a few sparklers, smoke-bombs and skyrockets stuck in her head, and we can really get this ghetto 4TH OF JULY party started!

Beyonce Has a New Soft-Drink?...

Just sayin...

Beyonce Workin On New Album

The Dream farted in a recent interview with Singers Room about him working on a new Beyonce album.

I’m working on a reality show, I’m working with this girl name Kasha who’s here today. We’ll probably get her album done within the week. Ciara’s already started on her project. You know, Rihanna, Beyonce, the same beautiful people every year. It’s a cycle. We’ve gotta get that money.

Shhh.. if you listen closely, you can here the sound of 700 millions eyes rolling across the globe.

Here is Salma Hayek's reaction to the news;

'Video Phone' Won WHAT???

Chile, so in BET's last ditch effort to solidify themselves as being ass-backwards, out of touch and irrelavent, they gave the VIDEO OF THE YEAR to BEYONCE'S ABYSMAL VIDEO PHONE VIDEO!!! I guess sunday was opposite day, cuz even her most die-hard fans called that video hot fried garbage!



I mean these bitches don't even pretend to be impartial anymore if that green screen nightmare abomination of a disaster was nominated much less won. BET, your days are numbered!

Snatchback Video: Girls' Tyme on Star Search

So, I was going through youtube being a nosy whore, when I suddenly realized I've never really seen Beyonce and Girls' Tyme on Star Search... UNTIL NOW...




Will someone PLEASE knock me in the ear with a steak knife? I just want to unscrew my ears, put on stilettos, dance the single ladies routine on them and put them on the nearest railroad tracks after hearing this hot hell of a mess! I don't why I keep doing this to myself.

Aside from Beyonce obviously hogging 99% of the mic time, Girls' Tyme didn't lose, BEYONCE DID!! The best part of this mess was the rap section (LaTavia?) and the end when the torture finally stopped and the scores came up, and yes, I think 3 stars was far too generous... just sayin!

This Is Just Too Easy...

I almost don't need to risk scuffing up the paint on my fingernails to type this, but since I guess I'm a glutton for punishment, here goes...



Here is Beyonce looking young, fresh and gorgeous as ever after a night of kicking her liver's ass and taking it's name while attending the 1 year anniversary of Club Avenue.

Aside from looking like she just went 10 rounds in a heavyweight championship fight, and walked away without the championship, have you ever seen such ravaging beauty? Everything from the the tips of her split-end wig to the tips of her camel toes is just striking! I mean, why even bother putting on lipstick? She is just perfect in every conceivable way!

SOURCE

Yes, Jesus Loves Me....

THANK









YOU







LORD!

Snatchback: Beyonce does Tina for Bush

The other day a friend (who is now an ex-friend thanks to this foolishness) and I were watching Tina Turner concert footage. We were having a great time.. UNTIL...





One of the links was this clip of Beyonce performing Proud Mary with Tina Turner watching from the audience. In the first place, why is she doing Tina and Tina is in the audience? Tina should be on stage doing her own song and SLAYING IT while Beyonce should be in the balcony sitting next to her Texas boyfriend GEORGE W. BUSH! YESSS HONEY, THATTTT GEORGE W. BUSH!!!

As much death and destruction Bush has unleashed on the planet, Obama should be thoroughly kicked in the dick-bone for letting Beyonce come within 1,000 yards of his inauguration. It's clear to anyone with a functioning set of eyeballs that she has no principles and is an opportunistic skank.

*And a side-note. I live for Tina Turner looking like Tina Knowles younger, flyer sister. Maybe there is something to the rumors... hmmm...

Another Day, Another Camel Suit...

So the latest news flying across the desert is Jay-Z is being SUED by a private plane company for not paying in full. Here's the tea...

18 hours of flight time at $4,500-per-hour (discounted from $6,000-per-hour) ... $81,000
Catering for 17 domestic flights ($500-per-flight) .... $8,500
Catering for 4 international flights ($750-per-flight) ... $3,000
International fees ... $8,500
Taxes ... $12,285
Luxury trip to England ... $24,200

It all adds up to $137,485.00 ... which is why most people just fly coach.

SOURCE


Okay, so instantly a few things come to mind, here.

1. Can't he afford his own plane by now? If John Travolta can afford one, I'm sure Jay-Z can afford one, too.

2. Da fuck wrong with this bitch??

And don't give me this "it was an oversight" crap, either. Why didn't he just give them his Camel Express Card? and I don't want to hear about "my people dropped the ball" bullsh!t. Do you need your people to wipe your ass, too? You know what the hell you're spending and when you're spending it. People have bills to pay, they don't have time to wait until "your people" get their crap together!

Sorry for being in such a funky mood, but this queen just PISSES ME OFF!!

Beyonce RETIRING.....Single Ladies Dance?

I'm sorry If when you read the first 2 words of the title of this post, you did a cartwheel out of your chair, broke your neck and landed on top of your cat. (RIP Fluffy) but sadly, no. Beyonce herself is not retiring, I guess she's saying she's considering retiring that ridiculous dance, the dance she stole while shoplifting surfing all up and through youtube in the first place. *side-eye*

“Beyoncé loves the fact the video and the routine have been so huge and has really enjoyed performing ‘Single Ladies’ live but that’s it now, she’s moving on. She doesn’t want to be part of a long-term joke, [but] that’s not to say she doesn’t get a big kick out of watching other people do it.”

SOURCE

Chile, well I guess this is the first step to admitting it's become a JOKE! HA!

Kelly PWNS Mathew

Chile... So I was right in the middle of stabbing a Single Ladies Onsie with that voodoo pin Tina let me borrow, when I stumbled across this recent interview of Kelly Rowland by Perez Hilton.





Girl, so cut to Perez asking why Mathew felt the need (to stop doing bumps of powder with Lindsay Lohan long enough) to release a statement on a Destiny's Child reunion. This is where Miss Kelly SERVED Mathew the tea in her own little Kelly way, and I LIVE!

(wait.. so does this mean... there's still a....? oh crap!)

If You Like, Then You Shoulda Put Some Vodka In It...

Today is Sunday. So that means last night Beyonce was drunk off her ass again. Here is Honey Bey Tipsy-Tumbles Sasha Camel-Carter Fierce B.B. Hotmess Knowles grabbing whats left of what used to be the remnants of the ghost of her vagina at her wife Jay-Z's concert while getting pissy drunk next to Julius who looks like he would rather be having a V-8.

The Wolly Mammoth of Texas turned up the heat when she opened her mouth and contributed to the global warming crisis. Infact, Obama should put her on the Oil Spill Commission... All Beyonce has to do is dip her thirsty ass weave of miracles in the Gulf of Mexico, and voila! Crisis solved! She may catch a basket of shrimp in her wig to match the crabs in her husbands ass, and since she already has tartar sauce and butter caked on her teeth, and lemon wedges and garlic spraying out of her crotch, bitch got the hookup!

Click here for more drunk ass pics.

Telephone Child Abuse...

A sad excuse for parents that needs intense therapy made this tired Gaga "Telephone" video of their kid (who obviously would rather be somewhere playing jump-rope than to be involved in this hot garbage). The uninterested and over it kid looks like she being kidnapped and held for ransom to the tune of Gaga. Baby needs a real telephone so she can call The Department of Children & Family Services.

'Alejandro' Director Making Stuff Up...

In an attempt to quell some of the backlash from Lady Gaga's latest work of fart, Steven Klein, the 'Alejandro' video director, puts down his copy of Highway To Hell long enough to have a brief interview with MTV. This is what he farted:

“The religious symbolism is not meant to denote anything negative, but represents the character’s battle between the dark forces of this world and the spiritual salvation of the Soul,” Klein wrote. “Thus at the end of the film, she chooses to be a nun, and the reason her mouth and eyes disappear is because she is withdrawing her senses from the world of evil and going inward towards prayer and contemplation.”

Klein added that the scene in which Gaga ingests the rosary beads is meant to represent “the desire to take in the holy.”

Bitch lie like a rug! The evil nun from hell's eyes are burned away like a some shit from Nightmare on Elm Street so she can go inward and pray? Say what???

I don't claim to know what that creepy shit was about, but after I watched that video, my phone rang and told me I would die in 7 days. It's day 3... chile, I'm scared!

Speaking Of A Hot Mess...

Here is the glamorous Lady Gaga looking as elegantly understated and incognito as ever while attending...
















wait for it...


















her sisters CATHOLIC SCHOOL GRADUATION!! Not one to take any focus away from her sister and her milestone achievement, Gaga tippy-toed around and tweeted to her publicist friend about how much attention she's NOT getting in her Asian widow hooker ensemble. See, she's not an attention whore. At all.

Alejandrho...

What in the...

TrannyMadonnaLikeaPrayerVogueLaislaBonitaRhythmNationHell is THIS??

So, today was the BIG day for Lady Gaga's video for Alejandro. It was also a BIG day for my bottle of HOLY WATER! Between the Butch queens in heels humping like wild coyotes on viagra, to the demon nun from hell, to her thrusting her post-op vagina scars from here to the 5th circle of hell. Aside from that. Yes, she has a strong visual, but I was just confused, honey!

Now, excuse me while I go suck down a bottle of wine, eat a box of communion wafers, fan myself with a Martin Luther King church fan and say a few thousand Hail Mary's!

This Is Why They Don't Love You...

B.B. Homewrecker really did it this time, Lucy. Beyonce knowing nothing of the Good Neighbor Policy has been made clear because a neighbor of the home "Why Don't You Love Me" was shot in is suing the cigarette butts out of Beyonce for forcing herself down everyone's throat (and possibly forcing all the neighborhood men down her throat, chile).

After she finished blocking driveways with her traffic stopping booty-pads, Here's the TMZ tea..

Philip Markowitz alleges in a lawsuit obtained by TMZ ...his peace and quiet was shattered the morning of March 26, 2010, when the film crew "invaded his neighborhood" ... waking him out of a peaceful sleep at 7 AM.

That nightmare was followed by a series of intrusions, Markowitz claims. Markowitz says during the morning ... every time he tried leaving his house the crew was blocking his driveway. He went in and out and in and out .... and each time, he says, there was some obstacle in his way.

Now it gets really good. Markowitz says he "missed several business calls while arguing calmly in his driveway." By 11:30 AM, "He demanded compensation for the trespass on his property and the inconvenience and delay he had already suffered."

In fact, Markowitz says he told someone from the crew that he's gotten upwards of $10,000 for the use of his property, but says he was told he couldn't be paid this time because it was a "low budget film shoot."

But Markowitz doesn't buy it. He's suing Beyonce and the production company for unspecified damages ... including the dreaded punitive damages.

Read the Official Documents

Bey Wants To Eat Cake

And her scalp wants to eat oxygen. And Jay-Z wants her to eat a tic-tac. And Larry Johnson wants Jay to eat wee-wee. And I wanna eat a handful of pills if these children don't sit down somewhere and go birth some cattle.

Beyonce loves cake and cake loves her.. well cake didn't have much of a choice since B.B. Homemaker threatened to burn cake with a cigarette and harass cake on the telephone until cake told her it loved her...

Anyho... she was caught looking as radiant as ever wobbling to her destination wearing a ripped "Let Me Eat Cake" T-shirt and patting her Lion King wig.

Since I'm your sister, girl. Here's your cake, girl. Dig in.

Awwww.. How Pwecious!!

Look at Destiny's Divas Kelly & LeToya sharing step & repeat space for an E! Entertainment event. So much for the "don't mention her name" commands being barked at Kelly. My, how times have changed! And they both look stunning as usual.

This should fuel the rumors of a DC Reunion but I don't see it happening. Now in a better world, The ex-members would get together, form another group, call it, chile I don't know, Destiny's Grown Ass Women, and release a project of just wall to wall, cover to cover tea spillin, honey!

Kelly Rowland's Response to DC Reunion: Chiiiiiile, NO!

Yes, honey... EXACTLY! Pay it none, girl! I know you see right through the hot garbage.

No, Girl.. Just NO!

ummmm....

Throwback Theatre: Letoya Luckett "H-Town Chick"

Pop some jiffy pop, melt some butter, grab a seat and check out Letoya Luckett's reality show "H-Town Chick" which aired on the sinking ship that is B.E.T. a few years ago during the "Torn" era. She spills a little tea here and there, but for the most part she was a full grown lady, chile and I live! Watching this is what made me a bigger fan and want to root for her. Check out the 3-parter below.


EPISODE 1



EPISODE 2



EPISODE 3


I'll update this post with my comments in a bit, but in the meantime... have fun, kids!

Farrah Franklin On Possible Destiny's Child Reunion

...and possibly on drugs if she thinks for one second that Beyonce' will ever do anything with any DC member ever again! Here's a quote from VIBE

“Right now, I’m kind of hearing about it with everyone else. It hasn’t been presented to me yet. When it does or if it does, I’ll deal with it as that. I’ll have to see if it’s something in real talks or if it’s fake.”

The singer, who last spoke to Beyoncé ten years ago, added: “I’m really a personable person and I would just want everyone to get along. Little Farrah has a lot on her shoulders and all I ask is happiness in return and for it to be fun. There’s so many different personalities and it’s been a long time, so you just don’t know. I would be cool with everyone, I have no problems, but it’s not about just me. There’s five other people.”

I love the hint that Beyonce and Co. are filled with hot steaming bitchiness and cattiness. Farrah chile, I would have just paid it altogether, girl. You'll have better luck forming a singing group with Tina and Angela Beyince. And it's no shade.

Unphotoshopped Single Ladies Video Footage

Maybe she's born with it.. Maybe it's Maybelline. Bitch never looked better is all I'm sayin'...

MAT..uh.. I mean BET Bans Ciara "Ride" Video

To make room for the pussywaggon, video hoes with phones, single ladies wearing a tampon string as an outfit, bloods and crips, simulating orgasms w/ waterguns etc. etc., BET had to finally draw the line somewhere.. with CIARA!! What the fuckity fuck fuck?

I ain't trying to stir up no caca, but this sounds like the crooked works of *cough* insiders *cough* giving BET *cough* $$$uggestion$ *cough* on who they should or shouldn't play.

Here is Ciara confirming the ban:



Alright now, I got my eye on you bitches.

Miss Jay, You Better Work!

Here's glamour girl Miss Jay out at the gay bars gettin full again looking like America's Next Top Crack Whore. Yes, Miss Jay-Z girl, I see you girl. Sneakin' out the house wearing Rihanna's old wig again, huh girl? I ain't mad at ya! As long as your boyfriend likes it. A lady must be a lady!

Okay, it's not Jay unfortunately, but bitch sholenuff' look like her. Beyonce say hello to your gorgeous daughter (or son) in 15 years.

Dear Beyonce,

I'm just sayin...

Desperately Seeking Attention

Today was the medium-sized day for B.B. Home-Schooler and her new video for one of her most passionate humanitarian causes: she asks the pressing global question.. Why Don't You Love Beyonce?

From the Sally Fields school of desperation, for this video, she busted opened that dusty crate she had stored in her attic and brought out some of her old movies she shot back in the 40's. I'm pretty sure Tina was the cameraman.

The chain-smokin', mascara-running', ego-strokin', grammy-dustin', swagger-jackin' clip has all the sizzle of a lit cigarette tossed in the toilet, so it is sure to be a hit with the members of her fancultclub.

I personally would rather watch a cigarette butt floating in the toilet, but hey, to each his own!

What's The Number To DCFS?

Here's Beyonce's wholesome influence on full display during some children's dance performance, chile.

Looks like all these girls needed to channel "B. HomeSchooler" was to wear somebody's fishnets and lingerie looking foolishness, thrust their underdeveloped uterus from here to hell and back, and shake their mosquito bites like the rent is due.

And now you still wanna know the answer to this question?

Leak Of The Week: Britney Spears "Telephone"

Britney's original version of Lady Gaga's overhyped Telephone has leaked. It didn't make the cut, and just like 2 thirsty whores, Lady Gaga and Honeybey rummaged through Ms. Spears' trash and was all over it like a cheap suit. Check out the unmastered Britney version of "Telephone" below...

Hidden Cam of Beyonce and Rihanna Confronting Each Other

Spillin' Tea: LeToya & Michelle Collab?

Yes, honTeas, bask in it! LeToya Luckett tweeted a pic of her and Michelle Williams on stage singing a song while both girls are pouring cryptic brace yourself for a surprise kinda teas chile! Whatever it is, brang it on!! That would be a real gag if all the ex-Destiny's children got together and stormed the "Queens" castle!

I'll have extra butter on that popcorn, please!

Leak of The Week: Kelly Rowland - Commander

In the Can't Keep A Good Bitch Down files, Kelly Rowland has taken a leak with her new song Commander. I have to say that this dance/pop sound is not my favorite of all genres, having said that Kelly SLAYED honTea!

While Kelly is on the verge of having another international hit, her ex manager Mathew is somewhere having another international hit of cocaine up his Dustbuster vacuum lookin' ass nose. I'm just sayin...



Take a listen to "Commander" below...

Is Beyonce The Next Drag Superstar?

Last night was the grand finale of RuPaul's Drag Race. The top 3 trannys were Beyonce, Kimora and Morticia Addams aka Tyra Sanchez, Jujubee and Raven. These queens scratched, clawed, yanked wigs, kicked each other in the ding-a-ling, slapped each other with stilletos and vogued on flaming coals and broken glass to snatch the crown as the next drag superstar (and you have to say superstar with jazz hands).

Which one of these whores do you think will win it all? Will Beyonce and her matted ass weave and her kicked in gingivitis teefs lip-sync for her life or will she fuck it up?

I won't spoil it... Lets watch!

Untitled

Needs a caption. Honeychildren, what say you?

I Bey Sad...

I'm sad. There has been little to no activity regarding the first family of fucked up shit as of lately, and its making me miss the crooks! Chile, maybe a form of Stockholm Syndrome?

When ya gonna gonna fall down another flight of stairs and land on top of your bodyguard in spread-eagle, Bey? When ya gonna have another bouncing baby bastard, Matty? When ya gonna chase Dorothy and Toto thru Oz on your broomstick again, Tina? When ya gonna throw another diva fit on live TV, Solo? And when ya gonna put on that bathing suit again teach your wife another coochie routine, Jay?

You know what, I take it back, I'm not sad... I'm BORED!

C'MON KNOWLES! DON'T JUST STAND THERE LOOKIN UGLY... DO SOMETHING!!!

Auf Wiedersehen

Because one day you're in, the next day YOU'RE OUT! Where in the hell is Heidi Klum, Nina Garcia and Michael Kors when you need em, chile!

Here's fashion model Beyonce being striking again wearing a top made out of grandmas doily tissue-box cover, A Hefty 2-Ply Diaper skirt and a pair of Dolly Partons old Whorehouse in Texas stompin' boots. To complete the ensemble, just brush the fur off 10 dead alley cats, pile it on top of your head and VOILA...STUNNING!

I Heart Cazwell...

I'm just sayin...

Jay-Z Is A Candy ASS!

Someone from Brooklyn Zoo should be fired because they let this wild animal loose on the street the other day; thats when a kid trying to raise money for basketball camp heard hooves in the distance. When he asked Jay-z to buy some candy, Jay-Z replied "I don't eat chocolate." Thats when I would have tried to sell him a feedbag of wild oats and hay. He doesn't wear high-heel shoes, lacefronts, buttpads and tampons in public either, but I'm sure he's bought some for his publicity stunt wife.

Now ain't that some evil Camel shit. Chile ain't nobody tell you to eat it, just BUY IT! It would have been for a good cause, cause he's clearly out there hustling trying to make it, but Queen Camel is so far removed from days of struggle that he couldn't even buy a few packs of M&M's. What an ASS!

But if he knows karma like I know karma, he'll find out she's a solid milk-chocolate BITCH! After his blood money runs out he will be back to rapping on the Brooklyn subway and selling ass in the piss-flavored corridors of Marcy projects for a half-eaten Snikers' bar .

Honey Bey Take Notes!

Bitch could learn a thing or two from Standing Cat by standing up for 30 seconds without dippin it low and thrusting her venus fly-snatch all over the damn place. No Ma'am! Now this is a REAL talented pussy!

Put It In A Litterbox...

Chiiile! After still trying to recover from the TeleFOOL video, I said to myself, I need to see Beyonce in another video like I need my ass cheeks decorated like easter eggs, and this is when I remembered she has a video coming out soon with Alicia Keys... (cut to me gouging my eyes out with a rusty railroad spike)

Destiny's Rehab is reporting Alicia has decided to go with a track that doesn't make you want to punch poodles and kick kittens the way "Put It In A Love Song" does. Bitch is a humanitarian!

From the looks of the leaks a few weeks ago, I don't think they even had a director... they didn't need one! All they needed was the video camera from a stepped on prepaid Tracfone, 1 extra large gumbo pot, 2 cross-dressing burn victims, 3 bleeding meth scabs, 1 tablespoon of discharge puss, a 40cc syringe of warmed over death, 3 used pap smear q-tips, Tyra Sanchez's teeth, and one of Beyonces nipple hairs and VOILA!! FART!!

Oprah Interviews Whitney

Happy Easter Honeykids! I've been busy doing eastery stuff with the easter bunny lately so I miss you guys, but I'm hoppin' in to drop a lil piece of easter candy I found on youtube, chile. It's a riveting interview with two legendary icons Oprah and Whitney!

Bon Apetit.

(p.s. no shade.. i love them both, lol!)

The Baby Boy Is A Single Lady

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Today, a future RuPaul's Drag Race contestant's dreams were crushed and stomped on by his father. The HORROR!

Will somebody please give this child a Pam Grier wig and a leotard already!?

I Knew This Was Coming...

Just in time for Christmas, or Father's Day, or His birthday, or Graduation, or Bar Mitzvah, or his release date from prison... make your man extra happy with his very own BEYONCE SEX DOLL!! She don't need no stinking ring on it! Fulfill his fantasies with one of the sluttiest plastic sluts to ever slut. It's Slutterific!

ACT NOW and we will throw in a FREE box of condoms, a pregnancy kit, a DNA swab, a gonorrhea test and an autographed CD of Solange's new song Under Construction

BUT WAIT.. THERE'S MORE!! If you call in the next five minutes, Beyonce may even come over and let you practice on her FOR FREE! So what are you waiting for? Pick up that phone and CALL 1-900-LACEWIG NOW!

(we accept H.I.Visa or Asstercard)

Chiiiiile...

SOURCE

Beyonce Pregnant With A Baby Camel?

Word around The Zoo Nursery Ward is they should FINALLY be expecting a bouncing baby camel wearing a leotard and a wig with spit ends in about 9 months or so. I don't know whether this story is true or not, considering the source since MTO is known for pullin stories out the crack of their ass, but if it is true, its looking like lil' Nixon will have someone to play camel-back ride with.

I'll have to confirm this with a zoologist at the Sahara Desert before I fully co-sign, but in the meantime, DAAAAMN! How embarassing to have an uncle only few months older than you are. This is some RICKI LAKE SHIT!

Beyonce Article Writer FIRED!

Ok, kids. Just incase you were wondering whether or not The Bionic Lacefront Wonder doesn't love going around getting people fired from their jobs, feast your eyeballs on this tea:

eon Magazine, the publication that made headlines earlier this month with its feature on Beyonce and an alleged pre-marital contract is stepping up by not only firing the writer but, sending an open apology to the star.

In the article, which was published on blogs including theYBF.com earlier this year, a writer is said to have falsified an interview with Beyonce, making it appear as though the singer confirmed that she had Jay-Z under a contract..

"I do not deny that there is a marriage contract. I would encourage any woman getting married to put on such a treaty, it will gain more influence on self-esteem. I believe that in my relationship with Jay-Z, as in any genuine relationship ,not everything is easy. I want children not now, later. He’s entirely not aware of that fact yet. I want to sit around at home, also times in a tracksuit pants. He assumes and believes that women even wear high heels just to go to the bathroom." -- excerpt from NEON.

In a letter released late Thursday, Neon apologizes for the article, stating "We do have serious doubts in the truth of many statements of the interview of Ms. Beyonce Knowles published in NEON, Issue January/2010...The article was written by the freelancer Ingo Mecek. The editors-in-Chief have confronted Ingo Mocek with these doubts. Ingo Mocek was not able to verify certain statements, particularly the statements regarding a marriage contract of Ms. Knowles. There, we assume that the interview did not take place as claimed by Ingo Mocek."

"NEON dissociates itself from the content of the interview with Ms. Knowles. NEON subscribes to a high level standard of truthful journalism. Since Ingo Mocek has violated these standards serverely, NEON has terminated all relationships with Inco Mocek with immediate effect," Neon goes on to state. "We sincerely apologize to Ms. Knowles and her management for all personal inconvenience that may have arisen due to the publication of this interview."

Singersroom opted not to publish excerpts of the interview when it was first released.

Beyonce has not commented on the interview or whether it actually took place

Well, kick me in the coochie with a high-heeled camel hoof! That Bey camp is on another level of shade. What was so scandalous about the article anyway? She's been making these kind of statements all along, and if you don't get a prenup of some sort in this day and age you must have been dropped on your head at birth.. oh wait.. nevermind!

Now, as much crap as they write about every other artist in the history of the industry, don't nobody better never EVER say nothing bad about Beyonce, cuz thats when bitches lose it!! (even though her breath would win grand prize in an ass kickin' contest)



SOURCE

And I Wanna Thank Ya...

When I started this blog a year or so ago, It was just a place for me to collect random crap that made me laugh and spill tea on celebs who should get a stiff stern chiiile PLEASE!! Shortly after I started this blog, I found a blog called Hate On Beyonce, and the girls were READING up in there! I got eternal life, but suddenly and with little to no warning the posts stopped and rumors started spreading that the Knowles clan was up to some voodoo shit.

Then came other sites like Destiny's Child Rumours which became the new gold standard and the go-to blog, but eventually there was some hostile takeover or something, chile (don't get me to lyin) and out of that Destiny's Rehab was born (which, by the way is kicking ass and taking names, honey!) as well as a resurgence over at We All Hate On Beyonce.

My little blog was never intended to target any one particular artist, but damnit letting The Countess of Crotch-Rot Beyonce have it is just SO MUCH FUN!! Me love it long time!

So, in this post, I want to take the time to personally thank all of you for checking out what my goofy ass has to say. So thank you Anonymous, FedUp, Andi K, TruthBeTold, Quianna, Shatara, Creative Krystalk, Girlwithmouth, Krystal D*lyte, Matty Cain, Tabitha, Lyrica, Old School and even Clit Flea any anyone else who has contributed to this blog and kept this dialogue going!

And I wish a bitch WOULD try to shut me down, cuz Honeychildren, I come here to kick ass and chew bubble gum.. and I'm all out of bubble gum!

P.S.: if I forgot to shout you out let me know in the comments and I will edit this post

'Queen" Bey Has 5 4 UK #1's

Chile, so I was bein nosy over at That Grape Juice and came across this post claiming that The Dutchess Of Dumbasses now has 5 #1 singles in the UK (‘Crazy In Love’, ‘Deja Vu’, ‘Beautiful Liar’, ‘If I Were A Boy’, and ‘Telephone’)

Now, I LOOOVE the UK so I hate to have to get the UK children together real quick, honey, but isn't "Telephone" Lady Gaga's song? So IOW the bitch has a grand total of a whopping FOUR #1 songs in the UK! See how fierce she is? Chiiile, PLEASE!! Bitch is full of refer smoke and mirrors her daddy Matty uses to snort crack off of.

Didn't she release damn near the whole "I Am..." as singles? Where's Diva? Where's Single Ladies? Where's Halo? Where's Ego? Where's Sweet Dreams? Where's Ave Maria? Where's Video Phone? Why isn't all of her crap going number one? I mean she IS so FIERCE, aint she?

Honeychile Corner: Qaadir's "I Am..." Review + Response (Throwback)

Yes, Honeys! It's time for yet another installment of Honeychile Corner's. This is an oldie but goodie. The following video is a throwback review of the "I Am... Sasha Fierce" project during the week of it's release ...



...and here is the inevitable review RESPONSE 'cause u know what the Bey stans give if you have the audacity to give your honest opinion about the old lady...



Yea so I'm guessing Congress passed a law when Sasha Fierce was unleashed that said if you make a video against our beloved Beyonce, you must within 24 hours make a response video explaining your treason or you will face sanctions and court martial. And if you know Qaadir like I know Qaadir, then yall know he didn't have any problem adhering to that statute, honey! PUNISHING!

Spillin' Tea: Lady Gaga SUED!

Now I know I ain't crazy (shut up bitches), but seems to me the name Fusari has come up another time before not too damn long ago. Hmmm...

Yes ma'am, it's looking more and more like Gaga and Honey Bey may be two turds in a blanket afterall. Here's the tea;

NEW YORK — A songwriter and music producer who claims he helped launch pop star Lady Gaga says she squeezed him out of her lucrative career after he co-wrote some of her songs, came up with her stage name and helped get her record deal.

Rob Fusari filed a $30.5 million lawsuit against the Grammy Award-winning performer, saying his protege and former girlfriend ditched him as her career soared.

"All business is personal," said the lawsuit, filed Wednesday in a Manhattan state court.

Lady Gaga's spokesman, Dave Tomberlin, didn't immediately respond to an e-mail sent Thursday by The Associated Press.

Fusari had credits on such hits as Will Smith's "Wild, Wild West" and























(drumroll please)...






























Destiny's Child's "Bootylicious" when a friend steered the piano-playing singer – then known by her real name, Stefani Germanotta – to him in March 2006, according to his lawsuit.

Though he initially dismissed her, he realized she had star potential after hearing her play in his Parsippany, New Jersey, studio, the suit said. He spent the next several months working with her every day and "radically reshaping her approach," persuading her to drop rock riffs for dance beats, it said.

As they co-wrote songs such as "Paparazzi" and "Beautiful, Dirty, Rich," which would appear on her debut album, "The Fame," he transformed Germanotta into Lady Gaga, a name adapted from Queen's "Radio Ga Ga," the lawsuit said.

In a 2009 interview with the AP, Lady Gaga said her "realization of Gaga was five years ago, but Gaga's always been who I am."

"I was Gaga from the time that I was 19 through my first record deal," the 23-year-old said of her over-the-top, avant-garde style, which has captured the imaginations of millions of fans. "I always dressed like that before people knew me as Lady Gaga. I was always that way ... I stuck out like a sore thumb."
Story continues below

According to the lawsuit, Lady Gaga and Fusari's relationship turned romantic and then became a business partnership in May 2006, when they created a joint venture called Team Love Child LLC to promote her career. Fusari's share was 20 percent, it said.

Fusari – whose account of his role in the multiplatinum-selling artist's early career has been told in interviews – says he introduced Lady Gaga to a record executive who ultimately shepherded her to Universal Music Group's Interscope Records, which released "The Fame" in 2008. The album has sold more than 3 million copies in the United States; Fusari has a producing credit.

But the lawsuit says their personal and business relationship had soured by then and he has been denied a 20 percent share of song royalties, 15 percent of merchandising revenue and other money he's owed. He acknowledges getting checks for about $611,000 but says that isn't his full share.

Lady Gaga won two Grammys in January: best dance recording, for "Poker Face," and best electronic/dance album, for "The Fame."

SOURCE

Oh YES! Now I know why that name rings a bell. Fuck Kevin Bacon! It's the six degrees of DESTINY'S CHILD!

While Gaga and Bey Bey were somewhere getting their penises sawed off and folded into a trannygina in a dominican back-alley somewhere, this poor unfortunate FOOL was writing his finger down to the bloody nub while Thelma & Louise 2010 picked his pocket and ran out the door with his wallet, chile.

Them bitches are elegant, ain't they?

Honeychile Corner: Qaadir's "Telephone" Review Response (UPDATE)

Yes, honey a REVIEW RESPONSE! Now try it on me...



Poor Qaadir. The honeychildren are storming the category leaving piss-flavored comments on this chile's youtube. The Mansters and the Beytards are refusing to believe Qaadir didn't just witness the miracle birth of Jesus, so honeychile had to haul off and take to blogtv to get his point across. Its a long video, but miss thing is a hell of alot more entertaining than that 10 minute autopsy I witnessed the other day. And its NO SHAAADE!

UPDATE: At the end of the Qaadir video, the kids were asking him about African Boi. so , here's the tea.. a MESS LOL!

Honey Bey Is A Deep Thinker

Word around the Short Bus parking garage is that mini-mind Beyonce came out from under her wig made of old encyclopedias to explain the deepness and amayun'ness of her latest masterpieceofshit with GaGa. Inbetween teaching the square root of pi to an attentive classroom (aka the stray cats that linger outside of her fishy-smelling dressing room), she was elegant enough to take time out of her scholastic life to hack this mental loogie up;

“The video in a lot of ways is more about her even than it is about me. It was sort of a pop-art venture for me to bring her into my world in a way, the video is an attempt for her and I to erase pop music as we know it up until this very point. It’s meant to change the perspective of the world on what a pop music video should be and she’s kind of the vehicle for that. In reality, more people around the world are familiar with her aesthetics than they are with mine. It was something for me to kind of change the way that you see her for one video.”

BEHOLD!! With just one run-on thought-fart, she was able to cure cancer, end world hunger, bring world peace and give worldwide eyeballs the strength to leap out of their sockets and bust out of this bitch!

SOURCE

Honeychile Corner: Qaadir's Telephone Review

SHAAAADE!!

Spillin' Tea: Wha's on your Mind?

Hey, honeys! It's been a crazy week, spring is around the corner and there's alot of tea going on around the world, honey; from the Oscars, to the GaGa/Beyonce Telephone vid. So This is an open thread to spill whatever tea that's in your cup, chile.

Telephony (Update with Video)

Well, Honeychildren, tonight is the big night for the new Lady GaGa video Telephone ft. Beyonce to be released out into the wild, and the crazies are already climbing up telephone poles and sticking receivers up their vaginas in honor (yes, the boys that love Beyonce has vaginas, too)

Anyway, I know where I'll be when that shit comes on. I'll be watching my telephone closely waiting to damn dial 911 for when the shit goes down and bitches start flooding the streets in leotards and phones tangled in their weaves, so if you must, honey, use this post as a place to escape to get away from the likes of tired bitches like Exhibit A:


(p.s. I don't have much against GaGa, but I'm gonna have to give her ass a stiff stern side-eye after this hot gabbitch comes out)

UPDATE: SO I've just witnessed this smokin hot rancid ass excuse for a video. What a MESS! If u have the intention of watching it, SPOILER ALERT: This 10 minute long hernia was about Lesbianage, bad acting, Virgin Mobile ad, Thelma & Louise and Jermaine Jackson's "Dynamite" video. I was willing to give it a chance but this shit was a deep-fried FOOL! See for yourself below, but first make sure your insurance policy is up to date;



Chiiiiile!

Solange Has Taken A Leak

Chile, Solange has pulled out his wee-wee and taken a leak all over your computer, honey!



fuck this shit, I'm filing charges, honey! Mental and emotional distress.

Bitch Dodged A Bullet...

Chiiile, so I'm still loungin' around in my Dereon dress, the one Tina farted glitter all over. Yes, bitch is looking FIERCE! (who mad?)

"Honeychile, why are you all glamorous? What's the occasion?" you ask?

I'm glad you bitches asked because yesterday was supposed to be a big night. Don't nobody need no stankin Oscar when you have an elegant Razzie nomination. And even though He Terch'd Mah Chile had this award clearly in the bag, the voters much preferred to give Sandra Bullock the award for less obvious reasons, chile. Here's the tea...

Bullock implied that many Razzie voters had not actually seen the movie but cast ballots for her hoping to get her to show up at the awards. Bullock said if they watched the DVD – "I mean really watch it" – and decided it was not the worst performance of the year after all, then she would come back next year and "give back the Razzie. ... then we'll go drink afterwards."

DAMN YOU TO HELL RAZZIES! I bought this amayzun outfit to celebrate, and now I have no place to go in my fierce ass Dereon dress made out of bath towels, garbage bags, twistie ties, dog breath, paper clips, glitter farts, wig glue & dried gumbo dust.

Razzies, I'm sending you my Citi Trends receipt and I want my money back! I spent alot on it; 4 ripped food stamps, a box of Kix off W.I.C, 3 postage stamps, a used bus transfer and 2 chuck-e-cheese tokens and I want my money back RAT NAH OR IH SHOW YOU CRAYZUH!!

All My Single Lushes..

...now raise your glass up!



Word around the Alcoholics Anonymous meetings is the ever-so lady-like Beyonce was all up and thru the 40/40 Club abusing her liver again. After her burn victim looking husband finished drinking the blood of the youth in Madison Square Garden, they hit up the 40/40 (btw... where did he get the name 40/40 anyway? Maybe it's Bey-Z real age? Or is it they drink two 40 oz of malt liquor in between meals?)

P.S. Beyonce's liver needs to take an ad out on Craigslist and find a new roommate, STAT!

I'm Just Sayin'...

the resemblance is uncanny... I'm just sayin'

Snatchback Video: Beyonce Interviews Aaliyah

So I was strolling through the youtubes, honey and ran across a old snatchback clip of these two women; One was a stunningly gorgeous, multi-talented superstar Recording Artist and movie star, and the other was Beyonce.

In this interview Joan Riv... uh, I mean Kathy Griff...uh.. I mean... (well, bitch was a nobody, so who cares!) asks real celebrities probing questions.

Anyweave, if you squint your eyes you can see Beyonce's soul lusting after what Aaliyah had going on. I can smell the envy wafting through the air. Smells just like, guilt and shame and car fumes and ass lube and cat piss with a splash of vanilla. In other words, it smells just like HEAT!

Yes, bitch is classy!

You Are The Weakest Leak...

2 unreleased Beyonce songs has taken a leak... I'm just sayin'...



Chiiile, not today!

You Got 99 Problems and a Bey Ain't One...

Chiiiile... Word around the "don't drop the soap" wing of a federal prison is, an unlucky cellmate may be getting some hot camel on a stick soon if The NY Post article is accurate.

Have a couple sips of piping hot tea, chile... *pours*

In early September, AEG Chairman Richard Mays approached Jay-Z through his business partners and asked whether he would be interested in joining the consortium -- which at the time ranked last among six bidders seeking the lucrative project. . .

"[NY Governor] Paterson directly told [Las Vegas businessman Steve] Wynn he needed to have a minority partner, so he went and got Jay-Z. But when Wynn pulled out, Jay-Z was without a home," a source told The Post.

"AEG went and grabbed Jay-Z after his deal with Steve Wynn fell through." AEG jumped at the chance to recruit Jay-Z, who has become increasingly close to Paterson, sources said. The two dined together in June and hung out in the Hamptons.

UH OH, SPAGOOGLYO'S!!