About Beyonce's '4' Producer's Twitter-Attack on Kelly Rowland...

So, I was on VH1.com, where I was sent to this link regarding one of Beyonce's '4' producer's Jeff Bhasker attacking Kelly Rowland's #1 URBAN SMASH HIT "Motivation" on Twitter.

Somebody hold my earrings and hand me the vaseline, because here's the Lipton, chile...



I know, girl. Pick your jaw up off the floor because I'm not done yet. THEN the lady had the NERVE to try to read Kelly some more with THIS tweet.



Um excuse me while I let out a severe

CHIIIIIIIIILEEEEEE, PUUUHHHHLEEEEEEEZZZZZ!!!

Pardon me, sugar, but just because EACH and EVERY one of Beyonce's singles FLOPPED and FAILED to impact a damn thing and continues to super-slide down every chart known to Lord Jesus, don't blame it on Kelly, girl.

So yea, luckily for Miss Jeff, I just baked up a delicious batch of GET A LIFE. Want one?

Oh, and another thing, sweet lil' teething baby Jesus, please protect me from the chile's default twitter pic because father God it needs to be dunked in holy water a few good times STAT because that thing is every bit of a CHOP, a FOOL and a NO MA'AM!

(P.S. Chile, did you peep all the Beyonce stans retweeting it? Yes honey, get into it!)

SOURCE

About Beyonce's 5 Finger Discount Billboard Awards Performance...

Yesterday was Sunday, so that must mean for some it's time to violate a couple of the 10 commandments. Mostly THOU SHALT NOT STEAL & THOU SHALT NOT LIE (aka bare false witness). So, Beyonce was given the award for being the most unoriginal scam artist of the MILLENIUM yesterday, and although I didn't watch that bullfart (I had more important things to do like wash my hair, paint my toenails, feed the cat, do crossword puzzles, etc...) I already know (without watching) that it was going to be a show full of dandruff flakes, crotch-rot, delusion, theft, lies & videotape. Maybe I'm psychic, but from what I'm hearing, that's EXACTLY what it was, chile.

Glad I spent my time wisely, because now my hair is bouncy fresh and my toes are really cute! :)

Beyonce's RTW(G) Video Review

Oh, fuck it. I don't even have the strength, chile. I'll just let this bitch speak on my behalf.

In case you missed it, here's Beyonce's video for Run the World (Girls), which is like the apocalypse as seen through the eyes of a House of Dereon seamstress who gets whipped in the eyes with a weave track every time she makes the slightest wince at Tina Knowles' jacked up designs. To me, the song still sounds like an elephant stomping on a kazoo in the middle of a fart contest and the video isn't helping. It's like every post-apocalyptic movie, blended with Cirque du Soleil's KÀ and wrapped in a thick blanket of Vogue magazine's worst photo shoots. The giant hyenas (which were later skinned for wigs)? Sand fucking a giant zen garden (at the 3:26 mark)? The fuck?

Well, at least when The Rapture comes on Saturday, I can look Beyonce in the eyes just as she's about to enslave me and honestly tell her that her Mighty Morphin Power Rangers gown (at the 2:49 mark) is hot. But that's about it.

Dead Fish Walking

If you were in London and smelled something that reeked of week-old filet of cajun catfish rotting away in the July sun, it was just Beyonce airing out her cooch again. Either that, or it was Beyonce's elegant stripper I'm Gonna Git U Sucka fish shoes dying a miserable death. Well, if I was that poor fish creature, one whiff of Bey's toe-jam from hell, and I would go see about Jesus, too!


Here's unedited footage of Beyonce going shopping...

Tina Must Be Stopped!

Chile.. so I was surfin' MTO when I ran into this lovely pic of Beyonce taking a pic with people her own age. Instead of doing her hair that day, Tina just slapped Bey upside the head with a box of slinkys, and bag of old funyuns, dipped her head in a solution of just for men hair dye and sent her off to Glamour Shots in some mall in Texas looking fabulous! Either that or she was auditioning for a role in B.A.P.S. All bitch is missing is a few sparklers, smoke-bombs and skyrockets stuck in her head, and we can really get this ghetto 4TH OF JULY party started!

Beyonce Workin On New Album

The Dream farted in a recent interview with Singers Room about him working on a new Beyonce album.

I’m working on a reality show, I’m working with this girl name Kasha who’s here today. We’ll probably get her album done within the week. Ciara’s already started on her project. You know, Rihanna, Beyonce, the same beautiful people every year. It’s a cycle. We’ve gotta get that money.

Shhh.. if you listen closely, you can here the sound of 700 millions eyes rolling across the globe.

Here is Salma Hayek's reaction to the news;

'Video Phone' Won WHAT???

Chile, so in BET's last ditch effort to solidify themselves as being ass-backwards, out of touch and irrelavent, they gave the VIDEO OF THE YEAR to BEYONCE'S ABYSMAL VIDEO PHONE VIDEO!!! I guess sunday was opposite day, cuz even her most die-hard fans called that video hot fried garbage!



I mean these bitches don't even pretend to be impartial anymore if that green screen nightmare abomination of a disaster was nominated much less won. BET, your days are numbered!

Snatchback Video: Girls' Tyme on Star Search

So, I was going through youtube being a nosy whore, when I suddenly realized I've never really seen Beyonce and Girls' Tyme on Star Search... UNTIL NOW...




Will someone PLEASE knock me in the ear with a steak knife? I just want to unscrew my ears, put on stilettos, dance the single ladies routine on them and put them on the nearest railroad tracks after hearing this hot hell of a mess! I don't why I keep doing this to myself.

Aside from Beyonce obviously hogging 99% of the mic time, Girls' Tyme didn't lose, BEYONCE DID!! The best part of this mess was the rap section (LaTavia?) and the end when the torture finally stopped and the scores came up, and yes, I think 3 stars was far too generous... just sayin!

Snatchback: Beyonce does Tina for Bush

The other day a friend (who is now an ex-friend thanks to this foolishness) and I were watching Tina Turner concert footage. We were having a great time.. UNTIL...





One of the links was this clip of Beyonce performing Proud Mary with Tina Turner watching from the audience. In the first place, why is she doing Tina and Tina is in the audience? Tina should be on stage doing her own song and SLAYING IT while Beyonce should be in the balcony sitting next to her Texas boyfriend GEORGE W. BUSH! YESSS HONEY, THATTTT GEORGE W. BUSH!!!

As much death and destruction Bush has unleashed on the planet, Obama should be thoroughly kicked in the dick-bone for letting Beyonce come within 1,000 yards of his inauguration. It's clear to anyone with a functioning set of eyeballs that she has no principles and is an opportunistic skank.

*And a side-note. I live for Tina Turner looking like Tina Knowles younger, flyer sister. Maybe there is something to the rumors... hmmm...

Speaking Of A Hot Mess...

Here is the glamorous Lady Gaga looking as elegantly understated and incognito as ever while attending...
















wait for it...


















her sisters CATHOLIC SCHOOL GRADUATION!! Not one to take any focus away from her sister and her milestone achievement, Gaga tippy-toed around and tweeted to her publicist friend about how much attention she's NOT getting in her Asian widow hooker ensemble. See, she's not an attention whore. At all.

What's The Number To DCFS?

Here's Beyonce's wholesome influence on full display during some children's dance performance, chile.

Looks like all these girls needed to channel "B. HomeSchooler" was to wear somebody's fishnets and lingerie looking foolishness, thrust their underdeveloped uterus from here to hell and back, and shake their mosquito bites like the rent is due.

And now you still wanna know the answer to this question?

Untitled

Needs a caption. Honeychildren, what say you?

Solange Has Taken A Leak

Chile, Solange has pulled out his wee-wee and taken a leak all over your computer, honey!



fuck this shit, I'm filing charges, honey! Mental and emotional distress.

Chiiiile, Pleeeease: Alicia Keys

So, Alicia Keys is making a video that features Beyonce. Lets take a sneek peek behind the scenes...



Bitch, what are you doing?? Are you serious? So you're dippin it low and swingin the wig around? Really? Honestly? Seriously? With a straight face? And this isn't a joke? No foolin'? Did you pee on my leg and tell me its raining?

And another thing. The song is a CHOP, honey! Girl, BYE!! I thought higher of you than this, chile.