Chile, No!: January 2009

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Friday, January 30, 2009

Okay, Kanye, I Have Seen The Light, Chile...

Kanye has posted a blog re: his trip in gay paree', chile and I know you hookers think I'm gonna be messy, but honestly I have to say, that... well read it first, honey.

THIS IS MY LAST DAY IN PARIS AND IT'S BEEN CRAZY. I'VE MET SO MANY DOPE PEOPLE. I FEEL SO INSPIRED BY THE TRIP... I'VE BEEN THINKING OF RAPS, BEATS, CLOTHES, VIDEOS ,STAGE DESIGNS AND PHILOSOPHIES ... I ALWAYS FEEL MY BEST WORK IS MY NEXT WORK... I'VE MADE SOME GOOD CHOICES AND SOME MISTAKES... I'VE BEEN LOVED AND HATED.... I'VE BEEN HAILED AND RIDICULED... I'VE BEEN INVITED TO SHOWS AND AS USUAL ASKED NOT TO COME... I'VE BEEN ATTACKED FOR BEING ME... FOR BEING BRIGHT RED IN A GREY WORLD.... I AM NUCLEAR ENERGY... WHEN INCAPSULATED IN AN IDEA OR BOX LIKE A STAGE OR SHOE DESIGN I CREATE MAGIC... WHEN LEFT FREE SOMETIMES I BURN THINGS... IT'S THE NATURE OF A TRUE ARTIST... I AM NOT PERFECT AND I WILL NEVER BE WHAT I WAS TAUGHT MY WHOLE LIFE AND THAT WAS TO BE "CHRIST LIKE"... I'M FINE WITH JUST BEING THE BEST ME! I ACCEPT AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY MISTAKES AND LEARN FROM THEM. I WILL NEVER ATTACK NEGATIVE PEOPLE AND THEIR ENERGY...I FORGIVE THEM FOR THEY DON'T THINK FOR THEMSELVES BUT MERELY BASE THEIR OPINIONS ON WHAT THEY WERE TAUGHT. LIFE IS A GAME! IF EVERYONE UNDERSTOOD WHAT I WAS DOING WHEN I WAS DOING IT THERE WOULD BE NO CHALLENGE THEREFORE NO GAME. IT IS THE CRACK IN THE WALL THAT ALLOWS LIGHT TO SHINE THROUGH... SOOO THANK YOU SENSATIONAL NEWS REPORTERS ... THANK YOU GOSSIP SITES... THANK YOU BARBER SHOPS... THANK YOU TO ANYONE WHO THRIVES ON THE DOWNFALL OF OTHERS FOR I WILL NOT FALL!!! YOUR PESSIMISM IS MY POWER... YOUR PRESUMPTIONS LEAD TO MY REDEMPTIONS ... I DON'T LIKE THE OBVIOUS... I LIKE THE TENSION... I LIVE FOR THE FIGHT... I AM A SOLDIER OF FREE THOUGHT IN A CLOSED MINDED WORLD AND I AM READY FOR WAR... I HAVE LOST EVERYTHING SO I AM FEARLESS ... YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T KNOW WHO YOU'RE UP AGAINST... I WILL SPARK A GENERATION OF THINKERS WHO WILL QUESTION TRADITIONAL THOUGHT UNTIL THEY FIND THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH. THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME SOMEONE TO PROVE WRONG AS I HAVE DONE FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE... YOU FEEL THE WORLD WILL NEVER CHANGE.. YOU FEEL MISERY IS THE ONLY COMPANY... AND I AM HERE TO PROVE YOU ALL WRONG... (I'LL GIVE THE SECRET TO MY DEMISE FOR ALL THAT WISH I WOULD JUST DROP DEAD.... ACCEPTANCE!!... IF YOU COULD FINISH MY SENTENCES THERE WOULD BE NO REASON TO START THEM. ) THANK YOU PARIS ONCE AGAIN FOR ALLOWING ME ACCESS TO THE GREATEST ARTISTS AND DESIGNERS THIS EARTH HAS TO OFFER... THANK YOU FOR THE INVITATION BECAUSE GENIUS LOVES COMPANY
01.30.2009

Kanye has made me see the light! Yes, the light may be shining on a disco-ball and making the room sparkle for points, but I can't really get cunty with this. More people should be who they are and not this over-the-top-ness and that goes for being overly masculine, overly feminine, overly hateful, overly stanish, overly anything 'cause chile, too much of anything will kill you, chile!

Snatchback Video: Bizzy Bone XXL Interview

Chile, now I know this video is old as black-pepper, honey, but here is Bizzy Bone in an interview with XXL. Chile, I remember when I used to have a mild crush on him, but baby, has he always been this honeychileish? I mean, he is on a carriage ride and everything like he is the last Cinderella, ma'am. Let me find out I was having lesbian fantasies after all these years, honey!

Thursday, January 29, 2009

A Drag Race To The Finish, Chile!

Lawd hammercy Father God! When did this happen?

<a href="http://www.logoonline.com/" target="_blank">RuPaul's Drag Race Supertease</a>

RuPaul's Drag Race Supertease

Rupaul and her mile-long legs has a new reality show coming out, honey. And at some point, s(he) appears to be immitating the "Queen of Me, Me, Me" Tyra Banks and her famous rant, chile. This looks like it might be a scandal honey, but too bad I don't have Logo, or else I would be laughing my mascara off at the likes of this hotmessery!

Jasmine Sullivan's "Lions, Tigers and Bears, Chile!"

Jazmine Sullivan - Lions, Tigers & Bears

Here's Jasmine Sullivan's "Lions, Tigers and Bears" video. Now you know I'm a skank when that title swells my coochie up!

Another Day, Another Music World Casualty...

Kelly and Matthew Knowles' Music World Management released joint statements yesterday regarding their "amicable" split. Chile, Stevie Wonder with cataracts could have seen this shit coming, honey.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
January 28, 2009

Joint statement from Mathew Knowles and Kelly Rowland on their amicable professional split:

"After a very positive meeting between Kelly Rowland and myself, we have amicably agreed to end our professional relationship. My company, Music World
, will continue to manage Destiny's Child as a group. As an artist Kelly has incredible talent and I only wish her the best. We will always be family first and foremost, and as a dad I only have love for Kelly." ----Mathew Knowles

"Mathew Knowles has been a positive influence in my career. I have had great success under his guidance — both as a member of Destiny’s Child and with my solo projects. Although we have decided to part ways professionally, the Knowles family and the entire Music World Entertainment
team will always be my family." ---Kelly Rowland

Honey, I love how they are keeping up with this "we're family" script. Chile, the Knowles' gang already have a family, and they are all still on MWM. Kelly, snap out of it, sugarfoot!

Umm.. Michelle... HELLO! This is your queue to run for you life, chile!

Swizz Beats Ex-Boo Mashonda Talks W/ KendraG About Alicia And More!

Honeychile, Swizz Beats "legal" Wife, Mashonda and my good Judy, KendraG, discuss the break-up and possible Alicia Keys involvement. Chile, now you know I love me some A.Keys like somebody I went to summer camp with, but Miss Mashonda didn't really do that much to squash the rumors, but she still kept it above the belt which is all well and good chile, but I wanna see some hair pulling, weave tracks flying, nail-breaking, ranned stocking catfights, chile!

Segway FAIL!

That whore over at DListed.com (one of my favorites, chile) had me looking at this video. Two things come to mind;

#1 I didn't know those tramps went THAT fast, and
#2 She didn't know her front teeth would go that fast, chile...

Faith and The Lil Biggies Chop It Up On iChat

Okay, honey, it's mostly the kids, and the dog Brooklyn, but Faith still makes a quick cameo. They talk about everything teeniechiles would talk about; music, im, punishment, boredom, breasts, rolling down hills like a ball, action-figures that look like O.J., you know, the regular stuff, chile.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Lil Cease Tries To "De-Snitch" Himself

With the events and the constant drum beats of news swirling around the internet tubes honey, Lil Cease gives his version of events surrounding the Lil Kim Trial. I dunno, the jury's still out on this one, but he does make a compelling case. What do you honeychildren think?

And FURTHERMORE, whore, Please, I'm begging you rappers to stop naming yourself "Lil" this and "Young" that (Lil Cease, Lil Kim, Lil, Bow Wow, Lil Romeo, Lil Mama, Lil Zane, Lil Mo, Lil Wayne, Lil Scrappy, Lil Fizz, Yung Berg, Young Dro, Young M.C., Young Jeezy, Young Dro, Young Joc, Young Buck, etc... etc... AND... etc... Come on now! Lets keep it real, chances are you aint gonna be lil and young forevah! Chile, who do you think you are, Dolly Parton?

Rourke/Jericho Beef?

Okay, so being the nosy bitch that I am, I stumbled upon this video clip of Leatherface Rourke and Chris Jerkoff on Larry King Live. It seems as though "LeFace" Rourke made some sort of ingratiating comment on some fire-crotch-red carpet somewhere, honey. Whatever! But Miss Chris must have had her tampon inserted in backwards or something girl because he pretty much wants to kick Rourke's asshole a loose, while LeFace wanted to take the high road... and by high road i mean a line of cocaine off some random hookers pregnancy test kit.

On a lighter note: Chrissy Jerichwhore is kinda pumpable! Maybe I'll start to watch WWE. I highly doubt it, but anything is possible.

My Secret Crush... Shhh... Don't Tell Nobody Big Mouth Bitches!

You remember that show called "White Rapper" or some bullshit like that? Well, there's something about that John Brown character aka "King Of Tha Burbs" that just makes me want him to pull my hair and call me slutty names. Am I the only one? Probably so, but if that's the case the more for me!

Polish Your Pumps With A Banana Peel

Clean Green:How To Polish Shoes With A Banana

Chile, now you know I have one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel if i'm posting garbage like this but chile I found it mildly interesting and I just may try the next time some cumbucket steps on my kicks, honey. But if I get followed home by a gang of gorillas with a foot fetish, i'm gonna take off my shoe and beat a whore with it!

My New Obsession...

Chuck Baltimotherfuckinmore, honey! Yes hussies, bask in it!

I know this interview with Wendy Williams is old as black pepper but it's new to me so hell bam slap choke and pull hair honey because I just love her to farts! She talks about everything from Irv Gotti to eyelashes and everything inbetween, chile!

Diane Sawyer Drunk Off Her Anus!

Chiiile, somebody hold my hair chile cause this is a GAG!

Apparently, Ms. Sawyer was celebrating the inauguration or something chile and it carried over into the wee hours of the mornTing cause honeychildren she is three sheets to the wind!

Slow News Day...

Hi, Skanks! (fake smile)

I'm bored and depressed because I have been trolling the internet tubes honey all day and I haven't found much of anything to post on this sad ass blog.

I just want to drown myself in a jug of malt liquor and rub margarita salt and a lemon wedge all up and through my vagina just to ease the pain. Come on Beyonce, fall down a flight of stairs so I can point and laugh. Come on Scarlett, take another tumble goddamnit!

Pubic Service Announcement: T.I.

Honeychildren, NO! This hooker done hauled off and flashed us the snatchfro! Where is Jesus when you need him, Lord.

Apparently, Clifford Harriest was wiping the sweat off his sack and throwning it out into the crowd. Have mercy on my soul! Here's hoping the crowd was 100% Women and flaming queens, because Lord help the T.I. if the shirt landed on the wrong chile!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

The Tick-Tock, Bitches!

Dear Skanks;

I have been receiving emails asking whether I'm a girl or a flaming queen. Well, whores, if it's any business of yours, I am a WOMAN!! Okay, okay, you got me, I am a FAG-HAG, guilty as charged! My good Judy's have given me life, chile... and if you have a problem with it, it aint a damn shit for me to pop off these press-on nails and let you hookers HAVE IT!

Yours Truly,
Me, Bitch!

Monday, January 26, 2009

Splittin Up The Band 4 Season 4 Trailer, Chile..

Miss Diddy is not gonna give me gray hairs in the crotch, chile. He needs to get it together, cut the conflama and stop pullin the weave up off these children's bald heads just as they are about to get their hustle on...

My Favorite ANTM Winner Dani Makes Love...

... To a bag of Lay's Kettle Cooked Potato Chips!! Chile, she is still as funny and down to earth as she has ever been!

You go Miss Thing, and now I'm gonna have to try a bag of those chips so I can let 'em flow off my teefis, chile!

JenniFantoya LeHudsarrino,Chile!

Fantasia

Jennifer Hudson

LeToya Luckett

Here is the diva trio performing for the honeychile queen Patti LaBelle. Alright, you tramps better lift me up, bitches!

Jessica "Buffalo Wing" Simpson Is Back...

...and front...and side..and the other side. CHIIIILE... I bet she knows the difference between Chicken and Tuna now! Either that or she could give a damn less, cause honey, what ever it is, she's gonna eat it for points!

Sidebar, Bitches!

Hi again, Whores (fake smile) Oh, I forgot to tell you chirrens that I won't be using that many pics on this blog, it will be mostly me ramblin' n shit and posting videos. Why so few pics? Chile, honey to get them bitches cleared, chile it aint worth the drama, ma'am. Maybe I'll link to the pics or something chile get over it :)

Videos have embed codes and since im a lazy cunt, that's what I'll mostly post. I hope you didn't think I was a journalist, did you?! HoneychileNO!

The Buzz in Cali!

Honey, I have a contact high just watching this video. Apparently the medical Mary-Jane is keeping Cali's economy afloat. I wonder if I slap my little brother's teeth out and move to Cali to seek emergency treatment, would he be eligible? Well, there's only one way to find out! Come here little Timmy, I have something to give you, Chile...

Kanye AKA Martin Louis The Queen Jr, Chile

Honeybabygirlchile, Kanye is giving you honeychilenoness wrapped up in a pink bow...

Get Well Soon, Ye!

Chile, Miss Charli lettin 'Em Have It, Honey!

Yes, honey. She's bringing yall up to speed on the "Notorious" movie. As you bitches know, she was involved with B.I.G. also, and gives an exclusive interview to HipHopGossipSite.com and VladTv.com to discuss a number of topics including the car accident she, BIG and Lil Cease had, she also touched on Jay-Z. She also mentions Lil Kim's dissatisfaction with the film. She's kind of a read!

On a side note, she looks fabu, honey!

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Lil Kim vs. B.I.G. Mama

If this chile don't shut her damn trap! Honey chile... uh.. whatever.. just read...

“I feel like I was not portrayed how I should have been in this movie. I was in love with BIG and he was in love with me. I was never a JUMP-OFF, I know this and BIG knew this. I wasn’t even able to choose who I wanted to portray me in this movie. I would have never picked Naturi, she doesn’t have a Lil Kim aura at all! She looks nothing like I looked back then. We have NO similarities. Watching her on-screen was so “dreadful” as Simon Cowell would say. She is tasteless and talentless. Never once did she contact me for input or to get a feel of me for the character. A “TRUE” actress would contact the source to be the best they can be in portraying someone. That told me right there, she wasn’t right for the part and not to mention, Naturi has got to be one of THE worst actresses I’ve ever seen and I can’t believe they chose her. I really can’t!

Another thing is, I have been dealing with legal matters as far as them not wanting to pay me and sh*t for this movie, got a lawyer involved, so everything is cool with that, but it still doesn’t change my views and feelings. This is truly Faith and Ms. Wallace’s movie. And Ms. Wallace is right, this isn’t a Lil’ Kim movie and it’s not about me. I didn’t want it to be about me, I wanted it to be REAL though. And that it is NOT. I take no part in this movie and have nothing to do with it. I love BIG and will never stop reppin him. There is NOTHING anyone can do about it. The world will see the Lil Kim story, THE REAL ME! Not some made up bullshit portrayed by a talentless has-been back up singer.”

Hi, Whores!

Okay, whores. Hi! (fake smile) These children on these blogs... honey chile, NO! The purpose of this blog is to keep you up on the honeychilenoness of the internet tubes honey. I will just be as messy as it gets, but if i insult your favorite celebrity, just remember.. its all in fun. I don't mean shit that I say so don't send me no messages and get sexy with me bitches!